2024 Moby-Dick Gift Guide
; or, merchandising, merchandising!
Today is December 1st and it’s officially holiday season, which I know because virtually every website, newspaper, and Substack has published a ‘gift guide’ in the last few weeks. This may have more to do with affiliate links and kickbacks than the true gift-giving spirit, but I couldn’t help but jump on the bandwagon and make some suggestions for you and/or the Melville fanatic in your life.
But I’m not talking about Moby-Dick t-shirts, or a whale-shaped paper weight, or the (awesome) Moby-Dick pop-up book, or even the Moby-Dick board game or the Apples to Apples style card game. Nor which editions of the book you should buy, or any of the endless AI-looking junk you can buy on Etsy.
No, for the unconventional readers of my unconventional newsletter, I present some weird and mostly useless Moby-Dick related items that you still have time to order — unless I buy them for myself first. Good luck!
Plastic Scrimshaw Kit
For fans of: arts and crafts, the 1970s, microplastics
Before YouTube, iPhones, computers, and even VCRs, children needed actual… what’s the word? Oh right, “hobbies.” Things to keep them bored when they weren’t outside running wild until dinner time. (Or so I hear.) Helping to fill that content void was Crafts by Whiting, a division of Milton Bradley, which brought to the masses arts and crafts kits like a weaving loom, a fish mobile, a paper flower maker, and, who could forget, Fun with Sticks.
In 1973, though, the company expanded their offerings to cater to the strangest of boys and girls, manufacturing a “Moby Dick™ Scrimshaw” kit and encouraging children to “take pride in making and displaying a reproduction of this unique folk art.” (Don’t ask me what the trademark symbol implies here)
Inside the kit was a plastic whale tooth, an etching tool, plaster, sandpaper, stain, and a peel-away design of a 19th-century whale ship. Per the instructions on the box, you would rub the transfer design onto the tooth, etch in the design, fill it with plaster, and then stain and wax it.
Somehow, enough of these kits were made and sold that you can still find many unassembled kits on eBay for fairly cheap. This “unboxing” video of the kit shows close-ups of each element and the instructions, though sadly does not go ahead with the etching process. Please report back if you do.
Price: About $40, available on eBay
The Doubloon
For fans of: numismatics, pacing, the gold standard
Have you always wanted to nail something valuable to your wall? Perhaps something you could fixate on while pacing back and forth?
If your metaphorical whaling ship is bursting at the seams with that milky white Nantucket gold, perhaps you’d like a real Ecuadorian doubloon just like the one Ahab pins to the mast, known even in the world of numismatics as the “Moby Dick Coin.”
A particular coin’s price of course depends on its grade, but on the lower end you’re looking at about $4,000-5,000 for something in the “Extra Fine” to “Almost Uncirculated” range. Coins judged to be in mint condition have sold in recent years for as much as $33,600.
But let’s say you’re more of a luckless Jungfrau than a Bachelor and can’t afford the real thing. Don’t despair; you too can ponder aloud the “palms, alpacas, and volcanoes; sun’s disks and stars; ecliptics, horns-of-plenty, and rich banners waving” thanks to the folks at WhySoEver.com. Their replica coins are luxuriantly stamped — well, die-struck — in zinc and electroplated in gold, weighing about an ounce just like Ahab’s.
You’ll also feel better about driving a nail through its center when paying just $49.95 plus tax for it, presented in a wooden display case.
Price: $5,000 to $36,000 for the real deal; $49.95 on whysoever.com
Ahab Action Figure
For fans of: movie memorabilia, vengeance, Barbie™
Up for sale at the moment of writing is a one-of-a-kind (?) Ahab action figure, seemingly modeled specifically on Gregory Peck’s portrayal in the 1956 film.
To be honest, I have no idea if this was ever mass-produced or simply the product of someone’s weird hobby, but I’m impressed by the level of detail in matching Peck’s costume and even the design of his peg leg. That said, the figure is missing a slouched hat and one of the hands looks as if it should be holding a harpoon or spade, which makes me think there might be more out there?
Price: $127.50 on eBay
Model 19th Century Whaling Ship
For fans of: tedium, ceding space to unfinished projects
If I’m being honest, I started this newsletter earlier this year to distract myself from the fact that in my home office is a table dedicated to building this nearly three-foot-long model whaling ship, with the construction plans taped behind it on the wall. And after two years, not a single piece is joined together.
Officially licensed from Mystic Seaport, you too can own an incomplete, 3/16 scale wooden model of the Charles W. Morgan, one of the most successful 19th century whaling ships in history. The kit also includes seven whaleboats, enough to spare a few in case any of your pretend whale hunts go awry.
The finished ship will (hopefully, someday) look like this:
Price: About $350, on modelexpo-online.com. Tools not included.
Whaleman’s Monument Bookends
For fans of: New Bedford, bookshelves with threatening auras
I suppose this gift guide presumes you already have several shelves of the complete works of Herman Melville, all published in different sizes and shapes. If so, you’re going to need something to prevent them from tilting, top-heavy as a dinnerless student with all Aristotle in his head. And I challenge you to find more appropriate bookends for the task than these, featuring a whaler on his boat ready to strike.
As you might recall from my last post, the bookends are modeled after the “Whaleman’s Monument” located outside New Bedford’s Free Public Library, created by artist Bela Pratt.
Price: About $100-$200, on eBay Maybe cheaper if you’re lucky.
Natural Ambergris
For fans of: fragrances, scat identification, illegal substances
Are you shopping for a Melvillean in your life who is, let’s say, something of a nosegay? Someone around whom you dip oakum in coal-tar and at intervals hold it to your nostrils? Consider buying them a hunk of ambergris straight from a whale’s lower intestines, either in solid form or processed into liquid. Hopefully they’ll take the hint.
Is it technically legal to buy or sell ambergris in the United States? Not according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, which says that even though it’s a naturally occurring byproduct, “You may not collect, keep, or sell ambergris because it is a part from an endangered marine mammal.”
But the rule seems pretty loosely enforced given how much of it is available on eBay. Worst case scenario the whale police come to your door, which would make for an interesting story at holiday cocktail parties.
Price: About $50 per gram, on eBay, plus bail.
Replica 19th Century Harpoon
For fans of: whaling, LARPing, Nantucket sleigh rides
Is your living room in need of an intriguing focal point? Something that holds fast the attention of your guests, and strikes terror in their mammalian hearts? How about a 5-foot replica whaling harpoon affixed to the wall, right above your family photos?
It might never, in truth, have pierced the blubber of a parmacetti, but your guests don’t have to know that. Make up stories of your most dangerous hunts, bless it in the name of the devil, or drink out of the iron’s socket while swearing oaths to the deaths of your enemies.
Price: About $40-$150, depending on size, on eBay
Moby Brick
For fans of: makeshift weapons, home improvement
Moby-Dick is a tome, a tree-killer, a door-stop; and now, a literal brick. Even for the Melville enthusiast with a dozen or more copies of the book, I’d bet their collection doesn’t include a painted brick on their shelf.
You’ll also note that the artist restores Melville’s name to the brick, whereas the real 1930 Random House edition on which it’s modeled mistakenly omitted it.
Price: $23.99 on Etsy.
Happy hunting! And as the good book says…
The best fun Adam. Couldn’t resist sending the link to my Read Aloud Group. It sparked comments like this. That was an absolute delight. So much more enjoyable than reading the Age while I ate my muesli! Many thanks